Time for an update huh. Well, this entry wont be as insightful and GROWN UP as my last one.  Truth be told, it will probably just be some random thoughts used to fill up a space.  U kno i wish that i could declare ONE day of complete honesty for the world.  One day where NO ONE could lie about anything.  I mean nothing, no matter how big or small or how much u would rather not tell the truth...just one day of total honesty.  For example, if a complete stranger walks by and says "how u doin?" u cant say "fine" if ur day has been phucked up.  Tell the truth!! Say " Well...my car broke down, my house burned down..." WATEVER! As long as its the truth.  If your ex calls and says "did u love me when we were together" tell that bytch "nah, i just said it cuz u did."  If that shady chick that u REALLY dont like, but try to be civil with smiles in ur and says "hey girl" just say "why are u talkin to me?  I dont like u and u know u dont like me? U know when u walk away u gonna just roll ur eyes and talk shyt about me so y are we pretending" Dont worry about hurting feelings or anything.  FREE URSELF TELL THE TRUTH!

How bad could it really be?  Think of all the answers to all the questions that would be uncovered.  All the "what if i woulda's" that dont have to be pondered on anymore.  I mean as long as there is an understanding that u "DONT ASK SOMETHING IF UR NOT ABSOLUTELY SURE U ARE READY FOR THE ANSWER!"  Just one full day of so-called KEEPIN IT REAL.  With that being said, i declare Sept 7 national K.I.R. day.  Join me if u would like...spread the word to others.  Just know that if you are not participating dont ask me anything that day that may get your feelings hurt.

On another note, i went to the Dont Date Him Girl website.  That shyt is funny to me.  I mean chicks are puttin ni99az on blast...who does that? I mean to each his own, but that it funny.  To think that girls all over the nation are warning others about the sorry dudes they have met.  Not saying if im for it or against it, but what if dudes had a similar site.  Like "HowIphuckeddat hoe.com".  Where dudes put up a girls pic and gave advise on how they got her sprung or how they played her, letting other guys know just what to do to if they met her.  Chicks would be ready to fight!  lol, thats how u know the internet is Out Of Control.  Is that even legal?

Well, thats all the thoughts i have for now.  Dont 4get about the 7th.  If there is something u have been just dying to ask me, dont be shy....go for it!

 So my NEW favorite song is "Unfaithful" by Rihanna.  No, Im not living the words, but i cant get that song out of my head.  However, i know having it as a ringtone is only goin to lead to suspicion.  Oh well, draw whatever conclusions that u would like; thats my jam. 

On the contrary, ive been quite FAITHFUL, and those out there who Truly know me, know that is no easy task for me.  Not that i been out sluttin' on my boo pieces, but i have been unofficially diagnosed with RADD (relationship attention deficit disorder).  I just cant stay interested in people long.  As much as i like having a boo, they so easily get on my nerves after small periods of time.  Im talking like a week or two.  One of two things will happen; I see someone else that tickles my fancy just a little more, or little shyt about them start to bug me, then i start avoiding, then i feel neglected, then the jersey comes out the rafters and Im "F the world dont ask me for shyt" JaTara.  Now, im still sayin "F the world" but not on the relationship tip.  I have made good progress with Daniel ( no code name needed).  Im not tired of him or anything.  I actually look forward to waking up next to him in the morning.

I know "LOVE IS FOR SUCKAZ", i have lived that for about 5years now...thanks to the members of the MI chapter of KAY from my freshman year, who convinced me that love, like class, was for suckaz. Hence to why i was at G an extra year lol j/k.  I just figure, im not getting any younger (im not old, just seasoned) maybe its time to try that settling down thing.  Maybe he's not THE ONE (although i have a funny feeling he is), but ill never know if i keep WAITING for him to do me dirty or me to lose interest and not let someone in.

You know, awhile ago, i was talkin to one of my sorors who had been talkin to one of our other sorors (complicated, i know) and they were discussin how at this age (22 and up) woman feel unaccomplished if they dont have a steady man.  I know some females reading this are gonna be like "Psst, i dont NEED no man, blah blah blah (sucking teeth and rollin necks)", but think about it like this.  What are the top ideal goals for 9 out of 10 woman? Atleast the ones i know:

1. Graduate from college

2. Get a job and be successful

3. Get married/have kids

For example, now that i have graduated, whenever i see old friends they say " so u finished with school? thats great, so when you gonna get married and have some kids?"  As if that is truly all that is left to do in my life.  So, when you have finished school in 4-6 years (lol), and have a job (maybe not your dream job yet, but ur making paper), what's left for you to accomplish?  Then you look around and you see that you're not 18 anymore and you've grown out of the club scene, but you just dont want to be alone.  So whats next?  The only "logical" thing to do is WANT a man to be there with you.  Ideally, you will be together at least 6 months to a year (if not more) before you realize youre in love with each other, and not just the person they let know in order to get u.  Then wait til EVERYONE (most often him) to be ready to get engaged, and if you want that fairy tale wedding from your childhood, its going to take at least another year and some change of planning and whatnot.  You could look up and be mid 30's and still waiting for pieces of your plan to unfold.  Not to mention the aspect of children.  Your biological clock is steady ticking in your ear, and its starting to sound faint.  Not that you HAVE to be married to have kids, we all know thats not true, but ideally (the key word being IDEALLY), first comes love, then comes marriage...

Saying all of this to say, thats why as we (women) get older, we seem to focus so much on finding THE ONE, and not THIS ONE.  We feel lost and confused as to what to do next after we've reached those goals. The key to it is finding something, besides the perfect man, to occupy your time.  Maybe we should have more goals to fulfill.  I dont know, im not psychiatrist.  I do know sometimes, i used to feel like i was behind.  I looked at my friends (mostly back home) and seen they have families husbands/wives and children and seem so happy, and i wondered..."Will i ever have my HAPPILY EVER AFTER?"  It took actually analyzing how many of them were REALLY happy and/or successful to realize that i wasnt behind.  Im right on track for JATARA.  Ill get married and have kids ONE DAY!      

To be quite honest, i dont know why i chose to talk about that right now.  Its 5am, and it was something on my heart, that i felt i needed to get out.  Maybe, someone reading this was feeling lost, or tryin to make a relationship work just for relationship sake and needed a little guidance.  I hope it helped some.  If not, oh well, i tried! lol

Im back in business and i must say, much happier than my last post.  I have decided to wash my hands of it.  My new attitude (for multiple things) is "phuck the world, dont ask me for shyt."  i know that doesnt sound HAPPY, but trust, I AM.  I am almost free of my current world of fake smiles/hugs.  When i move back to 910 maybe i can start over, and since its 2006 its the year of "Anything goes" sooooo ...

U know, it hasnt hit me that im bout to graduate yet.  Dont get it twisted of phucked up, IM READY, it just isnt real yet.

When i decided to write on xanga, i thought that i had a lot to talk about, but now that im here....ive drawn a blank.  Theres nothin to talk about.  Nothin to vent about, nothing to shout from the mountain tops.  Its been a pretty dry couple of weeks. I helped celebrate my mommy's b-day with a bottle of Patron and MY NEW DRINK (Mango Malibu and Sprite).  Its prettttty tastttttty! Ask Tanya, Nelly, and Tip.  I was just tryin something new and what do you know...VIOLA (lol, Bri)! Yo, that Patron be havin a ni99a right! It should be called "Frisky in a Cup"! Lol, too much info, i know, but im sooo super serious.     

Well, thats about all i have to talk about.  Lookin back, i think ive been sleepin my life away these past two weeks.  Sleep is the cousin to death.....i gotta cut that shyt out.

Quote: "A fool and his money will surely part!"

HURT is the only word that can even begin to express how i feel right now. HURT HURT HURT.  Thank u Issa for listening when i needed to keep from turning myself in to GCJ on a serious note.  I wasnt gonna need any bail money, cuz a few nights in jail may have been what i needed to keep from doin something more drastic.

How do u call urself a FRIEND?  I welcome u in my life and my heart (on a friend level) and u shyt on me!  How can u look at yourself in the mirror and not want to phuck yourself up.  How do u SMILE in someone's face and let someone think of u as blood, knowing u doin dirt BEYOND dirt?  Issa helped me to see that violence wouldnt take away the pain that u caused me.  Bashin ur muthaphuckin head in with a lead pipe would not even make u hurt nearly as bad as i hurt right now.  The only thing i can say is KARMA is a bytch!  Thats why youre alone now...and (yea ur on blast) phuckin everyone else's men!  No, ull never find happiness, not if u insist on breaking down and phuckin over people who truly care something about your two faced sorry ass. 

I was warned a looooong time ago by OUTSIDERS that you never had my best intentions at heart, but i couldnt see past the fact that i thought we were better than that.  I let shyt slide that ordinarily would have ruin any friendship cuz i had love for u.  But fool me once SHAME ON U, fool me twice SHAME ON ME.  Yeah, shame on JaTara, but im woman enough to shake the thoughts of phuckin u and ur whole world up, and let ur own pathetic life be enough punishment for u.

I feel like Diamond on Player's Club, only my man was decent enough to EXPOSE u and ur shadiness, instead of playing on your advances.  Just goes to show, u cant trust lonely ass females around your man....FOR REAL.  I said before "no one wants the ham sandwich, til u make a hoagie out of it", who knew it would be u trying to rob my plate!  Right under my nose to make matters worse.  Ur name is Keisha #2.  Those who know my life will understand that one.

WARNING to 4 people (u know who u are, so dont ask me shyt): U can keep talkin shyt and makin lil smart ass comments about me.  Do u really think i GIVE a hot DAYM that u dont like me?  No! I know that u only hate me cuz u aint me.  Thats not a cliche', thats a fact.  To be honest, i didnt know why at first,  but i figure, i must be pretty phuckin great to have all this animosity toward me...indirectly of course cuz none of u are bold or REAL enough to step to me.  I know im hood (lol) but are u that intimidated by lil ol' friendly ass me?  Thats sad.  I knew u were fake, but do us both a favor.  Matter fact, do us a few favors. 1.  Watch who the phuck u talk shyt around.  Ur obviously not bold enough to say it to me cuz u constantly smilin and crackin jokes with me; then talking about me behind my back.  Guess what, SOMEONE ur talkin to is only using u for ur information and then tellin it all to me.  JOKES ON U BIATCH! 2.  Just dont talk to me.  Dont smile, dont hug, dont "Jatara i miss u", or "JaTara, whats wrong", none of that!  Two weeks imma peace out, so just pretend im not around for two more weeks then the real u can resurface.  3.  Im not as big a threat as u think i am, so STOP BEING SO DAYM INSECURE!  Its not a pretty color on u. 4. PLEASE INVEST IN A LIFE AND STOP TRYING TO RUIN MINE.

This post still doesnt change anything, but i needed to get it all out.  Thank u for reading.  No reflection on anyone who HASNT done anything to me, directly or indirectly, but i just wanted a few people to know that i luv them, cuz i dont say it (on a serious note) enough, and they are always there to listen to me and sorted life trials. I love u whole-heartedly: Issa, Hessica, Reasha, Jasia, Tena, and Kornbrizzle.  There are a lot of other people i love, but yall already know it.  Those 6 just needed a kwick reminder in case they forgot, cuz sometimes i neglect them and assume that they HAVE to love me, when they dont.

Jasia, sorry i missed ur b-day, but if uve read this, im sure u can see i was in no mood or condition to be around people.  Ur birthday needed to be all about U, and not "why is jatara being hauled away in cuffs?" Next year, I GOT U!

HELLO MY FRIENDS!!!!

Well, it has been a VERY VERY VERY  eventful weekend, to say the least.  Where do i begin, so much to say, such weak fingers. lol

1.  Daniel and I celebrated our 1 month (yes, ive made it a whole month with the same dude FAITHFULLY...Applause's are in order) by goin to Myrtle Beach.  I still have no job and NO MONEY, so the entire trip was sponsored by him.  To begin with, we were lost twice before we even got outside of North Carolina.  DONT TRUST YAHOO MAPS!!!! So me being the GREA7 person I am, decided to throw the directions away and try and remember how i get to Bike Week every year, and WE MADE IT.  Did i mention that this was the first vacation ive ever been on with a boyfriend ALONE! No family or friends in attendance...I felt so grown up.  Well we had a blast except for one minor detail (mentioned in bullet number 2).  We walked the beach holdin hands (i kno "Holdin hands iz 4 suckaz"), sat in the sand all cuddled up and watched the sunset and the waves, and just enjoyed each others company.  It was like a movie (xcept for #2).  Then I convinced him to get on the rollercoaster with me at the Pavillion cuz he'd never been on one b4.  Talk about a hood ni99a bytchin up....it was HIL-AR-I-OUS!  While we were there we saw two things that u dont see everyday.  One: someone threw a cig in a trashcan, and this wooden gazebo was aglow.  I saw it all. That was crazy.  Daniel crazy ass over there tryin to help and be the good person...phuck that, i dont do fire...well i guess i do (mentioned in bullet 3).  Two:  This crazy drunk boy got butt ass naked and ran cross the beach! I was rollin!  All in all, it was great.

2.  So here it goes: About an hour after we get to the beach my phone rings, and its Daniel's BM (baby mama) so i hand him the phone.  She tells him that she and his daughter were in a car accident and NaNa was in the hospital. We both all scared, and then she asked "so u on ur way back?"  He says "is she ok?"  She was like yea and he said "ill be there when we get back."  Well she flips the phuk out like "u puttin that bytch b4 ur daughter?"  Come to find out, there was no accident, she was just tryin to get him to come back! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?  So he hangs up on her and she continues to call my phone consistently for about 2hours.  The vibration on my butt from my phone being in my pocket was so consistent.....nevamind (lol).  So yeah, she was whylin.

3.  When we get back to NC my lil sister called and asked me to watch her kids while shes at work, so Daniel and I spent the night over there cuz she had to be at work at 7am.  Everything was fine til everyone got hungry.  I dont know why they looked at me ne-way, THEY KNOW I CANT COOK.  To make a long story short, I melted the pan and set the trailer on fire!  Well, just the kitchen, but the flames were so big.  I grabbed the kids and took off runnin, Daniel put the fire out.  There was smoke and soot and ashes everywhere.  EVERYTHING was black! It even reached back in the bathrooms.  I cleaned for hours tryin to get everything clean.  That was the worst!  No more cookin for me....microwaves only.  How was i supposed to know the pan would melt.  It didnt feel like plastic, even Daniel thought it was the baking sheet.  But i did have fun with my baby, he was a lot of help through the whole day.

4.  Even after a weekend like that; Daniel has managed to piss me the phuck off tonite. PLEASE DONT ASK!! Details may come later...who knows.

5.  Ive also come to the realization that not only am I (like my boyfriend) slightly off my rocker, but im also VERY vindictive....I hope i dont do anything out of anger that i might regret tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day...

Quote: "Who does that!"